


Tacky? It's More Likely Than You Think

by Unformal_Sorrelle



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Episode AU: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Spoilers for Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23015335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unformal_Sorrelle/pseuds/Unformal_Sorrelle
Summary: How much time do you expect the Master spent on his plan? Making sure and monitoring when the Doctor came to the Boundary with a convenient bunch of Cybermen? Scripting out his show and tell for her? Designing the new Cybermaster armor with all the Time Lord frills?Well, perhaps he should have worked more on one of these things.The Doctor meets the new Cybers and has some things to say.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	Tacky? It's More Likely Than You Think

The Doctor was fully aware that she should only be feeling horror right now. These were the final remains of her people, lies or not, stuffed in the metal suits of monsters. Perhaps an argument could be made for fear? The future did look a wee bit grim. Regret made sense. She should have stopped this, stopped the Master. How could it come this far? Yes, any of those were perfectly acceptable emotions.

This one, was not.

"It's a bit tacky, isn't it?" The Doctor tried to think about the whole her life was a lie thing to stop her inappropriate mirth from escaping. It wasn't entirely successful.

"Tacky?" The Master put his hand to his chest and drew back. "Tacky?!" He made a sweeping gesture to all the Cyber Masters.

"Yeah? They're really tacky, mate. Don't even get me started."

"They are a new Master race!" He slunk over to the nearest Cyber Master and slung his arm over its metal shoulder. "Can you imagine, Doctor? These bad boys taking the galaxy by storm. Nothing can stand in our way."

The Doctor looked again at the overly decorated high 'collars' and winced. Had the Master really taken the time to design all that? Manufacturer it? If she looked around the corners of the Citadel would she find doodled prototypes, carelessly left like so many of the Master's Academy papers?

"Did you want them to look like that?"

"What."

"I mean, in my head I'm thinking, surely he's noticed? He's got to have, right?"

"I assure you, Doctor, whatever plan you think you have is useless."

She put her hands up and shook her head. "No plans here. Not yet anyway. I just am used to you having better aesthetics than me. I'm the one who can run around wearing a vegetable, you're the one who gets offended about a wee bit of a stain. And then you bring it up, centuries later, still all mad about it."

"Doctor, that wasn't just a stain. You ruined my coat!"

"My point! So," she clapped her hands together. "What's up with them?" She took a deliberate look at the Cyber Masters and turned her nose up in distaste.

"Come on, Doctor, surely you know I've always had a thing for the macabre." He grinned too wide for his face. "Does it bother you so see the once mighty Time Lords reduced to this? Nothing but meat puppets used for their stolen genes?"

"No. I mean, yeah, course it's disturbing. But you're also the lunatic who tried to turn all humans into you. I know you've got no sense of taste  _ that _ way."

The Master raised his eyebrows and waited for her to get to the point. She was more than happy to oblige. 

"It's just, I may not have a degree in art- unless wait… Nevermind, but I did meet Van Gogh that once- but you put the Cyberman blunt industrial minimalism with Citadel chic? How could you? They look like something spat out of one of those human Pokemon mashup generators."

At the word human the Master bristled. He stomped closer to her, all dark glares and clenched fists.

"Of course you don't understand! My vision is beyond you Doctor."

"No. Really, think about it. If  _ I  _ think they look tacky…"

The Master's face fell when he understood. He dropped to the floor, head in his hands. Still crouched, on the balls of his feet, he surveyed the army he once was proud of. "This was perfect."

"Na."

"I spent so long on this."

"I figured."

"I set everything up and it was going exactly as planned. You were broken. I won."

"You set a bad game."

The Master took quick breaths. He crumbled. The Doctor would have felt bad if he hadn't been such a jerk today. Then the Master rose as if on tight puppet strings. He was about to spring.

"Go back to the ship!" He screeched at his tacky, now unwanted dolls. They shuffled out, looking as embarrassed as marching Cyber Masters could manage. Poor tragic things. They probably wouldn't survive the hour with the mood the Master was in.

The Doctor tapped her foot.

"What do I do now?"

"You could always save my friends."

Ooh that was a dirty look. The Doctor smirked at how much vitriol the Master still had in him. She carefully snuck her phone out of her pocket and started texting behind her back.

"Is that all you think about? Your silly little pets and how to ruin everything?"

A chime sounded. The Master froze. He pulled out his phone in horror as the Doctor tried to look innocent. He didn't seem to appreciate the screenshot of a bird tweeting "I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?" which was an utter shame. When he was still playing O she probably would have got something entertaining back.

"Doctor." He said lowly, too quiet. Oh, he was properly upset then.

"I will not apologize for a good meme."

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. His eyes flicked to the sky and then back at her. Then, surprising both of them he chuckled.

"I wanted you angry at me. I wanted you to  _ hate  _ me, to finally cross the line. I tried to break you. And you jUST seNt mE a  _ meme _ ."

The Doctor put her lips together, resembling an unimpressed muppet, and slowly shook her head. She didn't have an explanation either. All of today's trauma was shoved in the back of her brain, locked in the darkest corner where it belonged. It wasn't coming back out any time soon if she could help it.

"Fine." He snapped, looking utterly disgusted. "Today didn't happen."

The Doctor raised her eyebrows and the Master looked like a child who had to eat his vegetables. 

"Whatever. We can save your stupid friends. Just know, they only live because of  _ my _ mercy."

The Doctor decided to take it. Anything to run far away from this place.

"Sure."

The Master growled and had the audacity to look like  _ she  _ was hard to deal with. One of these centuries she really was gonna snap and try  _ planning _ something against him. It was unnecessary as she seemed to wreck him by just meddling in his schemes, but honestly- today was over the top. 

"I expect you want to save the Time Lords too."

"Why not?" If they could still regenerate even when hooked up to the Cyber armor their deaths had been exaggerated. At worst they were only mostly dead. 

"Even after all they did to you?" There was a strangely sharp note in his voice, like glass. Fragile but dangerous.

She took a shaky breath and couldn't meet his eyes. "I suppose I have questions."

He nodded and his solemn expression flipped to manic without warning. "Don't let me down Doctor. Make it entertaining."

"Oi, I'm never boring."

The Master rolled his eyes. "This day never happened." He reiterated. "Total board reset. So don't be getting any  _ ideas _ . I'm not helping you Doctor."

"I know." She was helping him.

The Cyber Masters were the most ridiculous thing she'd seen. Now he wouldn't get laughed at around the galaxy. What else was a best enemy for?

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I know it seems like a lot of people like the Cybermaster design! And that's cool, glad you like it. I however had to hold in my laugher when they were revealed. They're just so over designed lol. It made me remember the power ranger daleks.   
> To me, what makes the Cybermen special is their ability to convert and assimilate people. They can make you one of them and ever person under that armor is a tragedy. It's not their armor or high tech robot suit- like the daleks have them beat for scary psedo-organic robots, ya know? But the Cybermasters? What do they add to the table? Regeneration. That's the only thing that makes a Time Lord different I guess. Not being telepathic or their extra time senses- just a regeneration superpower from supposedly dead corpses. Which ok. It makes Cybermen harder to kill sure but Doctor Who's not a videogame- the solutions don't come from who's the strongest, but rather what tricks can be pulled. It seems it was going for psychological horror against the Doctor which is fine but... Perhaps it's not as effective on me.   
> Lol but anyways, their design still makes me laugh and I'm curious if their ever gonna show up again.


End file.
